This week's Top 40 ...

Top 40 Sun 8 Nov 09

As Jason DeRulo replaces Owl City at the top of America's Hot 100 .. (who ?who?) we await Britney Spears UK return with her American chart-topping celebration of nymphomanic sex '3' available here from this week.

JLS go straight to the top of the UK singles for the second time .. make the most of it JLS fans my guess is the lovely boys won't be able to sustain sales of below average performances like 'Everybody' for long - to these ears they sound more and more like Hearsay everyday.

The healthy crop of nine new entries also includes 'Tik Tok' .. Ke$ha of Flo-Rida 'Spin Round' fame gets her first solo hit at 6, one of the years best from Chase & Status - 'End Credits' the theme to Michael Caines political new movie 'Harry Brown' is in at 9, while Snow Patrol's 'Just Say Yes' enters at 15.

Journey's much requested 1982 classic 'Don't Stop Believing' could be a surprise number one .. it's been bubbling under on iTunes for weeks and today makes a giant leap to 19.

The elderly sounding Bon Jovi are back at 25, Beyonce at 27 and what's this...

Chris Brown back with his first hit since Rihanna ... (sic) in at 29 ... just this week I heard Ian Wright surmising how great it was that Browns records weren't selling, just deserts for a woman beating bloke ... but reports of his sales demise appear premature, there must be a moral in there somewhere.

Last but not least, there's Laura White in at 32 with the 82bpm 'You Should have Known'. And I mean that most sincerely ....

Robbie's 'Bodies' slumps to 23 after just four weeks... may as well reunite with Take That ... ok then ... at the Albert Hall on Thursday ... yeah. Seriously the Robster looked very very nervous on Jonathan Ross's show ... he says he increasingly suffers from stage fright, a terrible thing especially for a man who habitually plays to hundreds of thousnads.

9 new entries – 5 up, 25 down, 1 non-mover

This Week ... Last Week ... Weeks In ... Artist ... Title

1 new JLS Everybody In Love

2 1 3 CHERYL COLE Fight For This Love

3 6 4 BLACK EYED PEAS Meet Me Halfway

4 3 2 JAY SEAN & LIL WAYNE Down

5 4 4 ALEXANDRA BURKE Bad Boys

6 new KE$HA Tik Tok

7 5 4 MICHAEL BUBLE Haven't Met You Yet

8 2 2 WESTLIFE What About Now

9 new CHASE & STATUS with PLAN B End Credits

10 14 2 LADY GAGA Bad Romance

11 13 8 JAY-Z & ALICIA KEYS Empire State Of Mind

12 7 5 CHIPMUNK Ooopsy Daisy

13 11 2 MILEY CYRUS Party In The USA

14 8 5 WHITNEY HOUSTON Million Dollar Bill

15 new SNOW PATROL Just Say Yes

16 10 19 BLACK EYED PEAS I Gotta Feeling

17 28 3 PAULO NUTINI Pencil Full Of Lead

18 25 3 CALVIN HARRIS Flashback

19 new JOURNEY Don't Stop Believing

20 15 6 TINCHY STRYDER You're Not Alone

21 16 8 PITBULL Hotel Room Service

22 12 8 TAIO CRUZ Break Your Heart

23 9 4 ROBBIE WILLIAMS Bodies

24 18 13 DAVID GUETTA & AKON Sexy Chick

25 new BON JOVI We Weren't Born To Follow

26 19 3 YOUNG SOUL REBELS I Got Soul

27 new BEYONCE Broken Hearted Girl

28 20 9 SHAKIRA She Wolf

29 new CHRIS BROWN I Can Transform Ya

30 26 2 CHERYL COLE & WILL I AM Three Words

31 22 2 DUCK SAUCE aNYway

32 new LAURA WHITE You Should Have Known

33 21 3 COBRA STARSHIP Good Girls Go Bad

34 27 7 DIZZEE RASCAL Dirtee Cash

35 17 2 BIFFY CLYRO The Captain

36 24 12 TEMPER TRAP Sweet Disposition

37 23 5 SATURDAYS Forever Is Over

38 38 3 FOO FIGHTERS Wheels

39 31 46 KINGS OF LEON Sex On Fire

Great Stuff ...

64 year old Rod Stewart is trying for an eighth baby with his 38 year old wife Penny Lancaster.

Bono is hoping Tom Jones record label will give 'Sugar Daddy' a single release. The song which appears on Toms '24 Hours' album was written especially for him by the Bonomeister....

Meanwhile U2 have struck controversy over their Fall Of The Wall 20th Anniversary concert in Berlin. A new wall has been erected to keep out fans who haven't got tickets for the free concert. Oh the stupid irony ... not surprisingly no comment from U2 or MTV who made only 10,000 tickets available for the gig at which 100,000 are expected.

Who was the d++k who chucked a bottle at Morrissey in Liverpool causing him to end the show during only his second song? Mozza's just had a serious illness ... whoever the d++k is he himself should be made a bottle chucking target for the 8,000 disappointed Morrissey fans who had their nights entertainment cut incredibly short.

High Street chain British Home Stores (or Bhs) has banned under 16's from buying Christmas crackers quoting the 1875 Explosives Act.

Stuart Cable’s new book the sharply titled 'Stuart Cable: From Cwmaman To The Stereophonics & Beyond' is out this month. I’m sure I saw El Stu and his band mates in conference in the Coryton Asda petrol station car park the other day .. probably just a coincidence a tap was left on to flood the toilet.

Meanwhile Kelly Jones says he recognised more for his appearances on Strictly and Never Mind The Bollocks than his music. The Phonics new single 'Innocent' is out this week.

Look out for Lily Allen hoping to shift more units with an appearance on Channel 5's 'Neighbours' this week when she guests on Zeke & Carls pirate.net radio show. Surely someone will soon register that net site?

Women can now risk a boob job in their lunch hour with the new £500 botox injection dubbed Breastox.

The next Census in 2011 will have 32 pages and is to include several new questions like how many bedrooms and the name, sex and birth date of overnight visitors ... eh? Fines of £1,000 can be imposed for failing to answer or giving a false answer.

Good jobs with The Princes Trust ... the charity employs 653 people with a personnel budget of £20 million per year - average salary £30,627.

An elderly lady who owns a dog, called her phone company (Verizon), to
say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that
on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always barked before the
phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this
psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole,
hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone
didn't ring but the dog barked loudly and then the telephone did ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.
2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone
number was called.
3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinate on the ground.
4. The wet ground would complete the circuit and the phone would ring.
Which shows you that some problems can be fixed by just pissing on them.

Then again .... The Czech Republic, last of the 27 nations to ratify the Lisbon Treaty, has agreed to let the US build missile interceptors in its territory. These are to intercept Iranian missiles not Russian ... ok ... right?

OK so the Generals in the House Of Lords say some are beginning to think the Government doesn't want to progress the war in Afghanistan ... stop and rewind ... so what is the intention in sending troops across the world to not progress a war ... the implications are even more worrying

Just imagine a country where an extremist Marxist faction has infiltrated and disguised itself as a mainline left wing party, it's internationalist objective is to use the tools of capitalism to bankrupt the economy, distract the army & police and confuse the judiciary and the population at large ....

Britain's national debt is a record £1.5 trillion and could jump to £2.3 trillion by the end of the year .. that's more than Jonathan Ross is paid.

A US soldier kills 13 of his colleagues ... President Barak Hussein Obama asks us not to jump to conclusions ... then we learn the killer was of the same denomination as the enemy ... the unspoken mission - to rid us of any common sense that remains.

9pm Monday 9 Nov 09 - the obscenely paid perverts at Channel 4 have dreampt up a new fictitious documentary about the return of the death penalty and the first to be tried under the new law - shamed Gary Glitter. Next in the ficticious queue should be the shamed and highly paid soon to be former Channel 4 chief Andy Duncan who broadcast Big Brothers racist material involving Jade Goody which could easily have been edited and caused 45,000 people enough anger to complain to the ridiculous watchdog Oftel. Duncan, a man who had no background in programme making before being gifted the Channel 4 Chief Executive's job was previously responsible for 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' and 'Freeview' - he's rumoured to have said of his £1.2million salary - "I can't believe it's money".. It's near ten times the salary of our cardboard Prime Minister. Unbelievably the man is also paid a bonus by us taxpayers for staying in his job. Shame on Channel 4 ... just another tool of the oppression.

America's Hot 100
This Week ... Last Week ... Weeks In ... Artist ... Title

1 2 12 JASON DeRULO Whatcha Say

2 1 11 OWL CITY Fireflies

3 13 8 JAY-Z & ALICIA KEYS Empire State Of Mind

4 3 18 JAY SEAN & LIL WAYNE Down

5 4 12 MILEY CYRUS Party In The USA

6 6 10 LADY GAGA Paparazzi

7 5 14 JAY-Z, RIHANNA & KANYE WEST Run This Town

8 8 4 BRITNEY SPEARS 3

9 new LADY GAGA Bad Romance

10 new TAYLOR SWIFT Jump Then Fall