Games

our fave - Panda Golf
Play Beat The Intro
Who's got the Biggest?
Oh no it's Not Poodle
Play The Rakes Pulling Game
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Strange but true

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

A date rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."

"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "Beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "Beers," men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking "Beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that: "something bad" occurred.

At other times, these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and
punishment referred to as "marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "Beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this insidious "Beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected,
like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

Oh no

The bad news is: Time flies The good news is: You are the pilot

Centipede: An ant built to government specifications.

"You want us to do WHAT?" -- Ancient Chinese wall engineer.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once.

Change is good but dollars are better.

A promise is a debt.

He who hesitates is probably right.

A Good Way to Begin the Day
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "HOUSEWORK"
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework
permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

Tech Support and Customer
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer:
"Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech
Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me exactly what you have done up until
this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click.'

Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said "Let's play doctor."
"Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue."

The Learn from the Past Quiz ...

In 1923, Who Was...?
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.
Now, 82 years later, history tells us what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company. Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.
6 The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.
However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the
most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.
So, what became of him?
He played golf until he was 92, and died in 1999 at the ripe old age of
95! He was *very* financially secure at the time of his death.
The moral here:
Forget work.
Play golf!

Cleaning House A poem for the Internet Addict...

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'puting,
And I had to answer "yes."

He told me to get off my butt
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click.'

But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night. (Sigh)

Darkness and Us ... Last year The Darkness made a triumphant return to the UK with a million selling album and a clutch of hit singles under their belts, Jonny Wing was asked for some thoughts for the South Wales Echo, in Steve Tucker's Tuesday 24 August 2004 Feature thanks to his wylie booking skills...

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out her mourning stage.
Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Karen says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies: "Mom! I have someone for you to meet.

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.
Their first night there, she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks: "Why the black panties?"
She replies: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,
but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night.

The following night the same scenario.
She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his
birthday suit ... except that he is wearing a black condom.
She looks at him and asks: "What's with this ... a black condom?"
He replies: "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

 

Job Interview
The employer asked the applicant, "I see you were last employed by a
psychiatrist," "Why did you leave?"
"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win.
If I was late to work, I was hostile.
If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on time, I was compulsive."

"I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but I went in the other
day and asked the clerk to check my balance, she leaned over and pushed me."

A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got
a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'"
she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven
children."
"Is that a record?" the caller inquired, puzzled in her turn.
I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

Two electricity metre readers, a senior training supervisor and a young
trainee, were out checking metres in a suburban neighbourhood. They parked
their truck the end of the street and worked their way to the other end. At
the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men
as they checked her metre.
Finishing the metre check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger
co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an
older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that
last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked
her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two men from the electricity
company running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want
to move in with them." - Unknown

"I married a younger man. Ten years younger than I am. I figure it like
this: If you can't find a good man, raise one." --Unknown

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was
bragging about how great their fathers are.
The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an
arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"
The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He
can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then
said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He
stops working at 4:30 .... and he's home by 3:45!"

The priest was instructing a class of third- graders at All Saints grammar school ...
"There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan.
The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and
wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell.
"But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich,
knowledgeable lawyer.
"Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who
started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy
seas?"
Herman raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught."

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a
cat attacks them. The mother mouse yells, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's
important to learn a foreign language".

Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here and surf the Internet